Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. (John 15:16)
What’s my occupation? For more than 17 years, whenever I’d go into the doctor’s office and have to fill out a form, under the occupation section, I’d write four little letters: SAHM. Being a stay-at-home mom was my occupation. Writing four letters on a form was much easier than explaining that I live in an alternate universe.
It was Winter 2017. My husband had been complaining of sinus pain for months. When he finally arrived at the drop-in clinic, he was prescribed antibiotics and sent to an Ear Nose and Throat Specialist. When the first round of antibiotics didn’t work, the ENT gave him another round of antibiotics with a side of Prednisone. Once the Prednisone was gone, the pain and pressure in his sinuses returned. When the ENT wanted to give yet another round of antibiotics, my husband demanded a PET scan.
I knew it was cancer. This wasn’t how his health was supposed to turn, so I didn’t want to believe my intuition. The day he came home and said two little words to me, “It’s cancer,” I closed our bedroom door, sat on my meditation pillow, and cried for a few hours. I had one thing to say to God: "I’m sorry.”
Seven months later, my husband completed several rounds of chemo and radiation therapy. If the cancer wasn’t going to kill him, the treatment was threatening to. A couple of months after completing treatment, we sat together in the Radiation Oncologist’s office, listening to the report of the first PET scan. The cancer was dead.
My husband wanted Chinese food for lunch after his doctor's appointment that day. We sat quietly together in the restaurant. When my fortune cookie arrived, the fortune read, “You’ll receive what you pray for.” On the stereo in the background played the Beyonce song, “Baby I’m Sorry.”
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