It was the Summer of 2017. On a hot July day, my younger son (age 12) and I sat in the lobby of the Cancer Center at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento. My husband was on a drip line, receiving an IV of fluids - a life-saving measure since he stopped eating or drinking for days at a time. On the television in the lobby was a reality TV show competition about the perfect cupcake. “Who rates a cupcake?” I said to my son. After all, don’t you gobble those things up?
That afternoon, my son and I sat in the cafeteria at the hospital. They happened to be selling cupcakes that day. As we marveled over our cupcake before splitting it in half to share, we decided to rate it for ourselves. I gave it a two, maybe a three. My son was busy eating it but then decided to give it a thumbs-up. Afterward, we went on a quest to find the perfect cupcake.
Life can be funny sometimes. We never know when the right combination of events will change what we thought was our destiny. The cancer was unexpected. The IV fluids were making me angry. And, the whole experience with my husband’s cancer journey was a rude awakening.
For many years, my Teachers on the inner planes have been getting my attention about co-dependency issues. Something as simple as washing a dish might seem like a no-brainer until one realizes it isn’t a choice. We all have responsibilities for taking care of ourselves and our environment. In my family, who helps with the dishes, it is more like an exercise of going within to discern, “What does your inner knowing tell you?”
This is what made it so hard to work with my husband while he was getting his stupid IV fluids. He wanted me and everyone else to believe something terrible was happening to him. The problem was, I didn’t see eye to eye with him on this one. I saw his cancer experience as a spiritual journey and one he was going to have to go inward to discover for himself. No amount of complaining, blaming, or self-mutilation was going to make his situation any better. I thought it made things worse.
The incredible part of this journey was that when I let go of the need to fix my husband’s environment, I began to take a more compassionate role with him. He didn’t understand at first and wondered why I remained loving towards him when I wasn’t there for him in the way HE wanted.
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