The moment of crisis came over me. I wasn’t sure which direction I wanted to turn. Do I need advice? Was it from a therapist? Completely beside myself, I was in a lost state of awareness.
My solution was half out of desperation for what to do and half knowing better than to act as if I didn’t know what to do. In the early morning hours, I sat on my pillow and meditated. The question I placed before myself was, “What do I know?”
In the moments that followed, clear knowing came to me. I was to do my laundry. That’s it.
However, the reality of the moment was deeper penetrating than a simple load of wash. It was a realization that had I remembered it sooner, I would have remained present rather than worried. In a present state of awareness, knowing what to do came clearly. Where, in a state of “not knowing,” I was given too many options: Should I sell the house, move to town, get a job, and pay off debt? Or do I risk everything?
I knew something had to be done because my mind wouldn’t relax over the crisis I faced. That is the cancer illness of my beloved husband.
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